When times are tough, “toxic positivity” does more harm than good

Looking on the bright side is great. Staring at the sun? Not so much.

There is a lot of pressure to be our “best selves” right now. Or at the very least, have a good attitude in the face of a year whose Instagram bio might read, “~chaotic energy~.”

But the Washington Post writes that research has shown “accepting negative emotions, rather than avoiding or dismissing them, may actually be more beneficial for a person’s mental health in the long run” and that denying, minimizing, or invalidating negative feelings can be “counterproductive and harmful.”

In fact, it can be downright toxic. “While have a positive mindset can be a helpful coping mechanism,” said clinical psychologist Natalie Dattilo, “toxic positivity stems from the idea that the best or only way to cope with a bad situation is to put a positive spin on it.” And, while we see a lot of mantras telling us to “breathe in positivity, breathe out negativity…”

Sometimes we just need to breathe, period.

*cue Anna Nalick lyrics*

One 2018 study found that people who habitually avoid acknowledging challenging emotions can end up feeling worse, thanks to “meta-emotions” AKA, feeling bad about feeling bad. So, though we may think it’s more productive to compartmentalize and power through, it can actually keep long-term healing or problem solving from happening.

In improv, we’re encouraged not to “deny the reality” of a scene

Same goes for denying your own.

How can we support ourselves through difficult times? Psychologists recommend mindfulness techniques that help us sit with our emotions instead of trying to change them.

Sometimes, when we listen to how we’re actually feeling, not how we wish we felt, the course of action becomes clearer. And sometimes, there’s just nothing to “fix” at all: “it’s okay not knowing what to do with yourself in that moment,” says psychologist Jamie Zuckerman. “It’s okay not feeling okay.”

The Point: Maybe put those self-help Instagram accounts on mute for a while…they’ll be there when you’re ready.